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FacebookMy Recommended Training for Corporate Bloggers: Live with a Mommy Blogger
November 5th, 2008 | Posted in Blogging 19 Comments »
If you’re starting a corporate blog, you’d be well off with a little mommy blogger training to break you in. After living with a mommy blogger, you’ll more naturally embrace transparency, skip any attempts at censorship, and become accustomed to the occasional distorted portrayal of what you say and do. These are all principles I’ve honestly learned to love from Jane.
Jane: the mommy blogger who trained me
Jane is the mommy blogger who has trained me. In case you’re unfamiliar with this term — “mommy blogger” — it refers to mothers who blog, with a focus sometimes including family, feminine topics, or simply anything really. Jane’s blog is http://whataboutmomblog.com. By following it you can discover a lot of personal details about my life.
This idea scares my brother-in-law, who doesn’t want his wife exposing personal details about him online. I used to be that way, too. I remember at one point asking Jane (notice that I call her Jane rather than “my wife”; Jane is a respectful name for a person, whereas “my wife” contextualizes her identity only in reference to me) to remove a paragraph from one of her posts that went over the privacy edge, in my opinion. She altered the paragraph a bit, but then added a footnote twice the size of the original paragraph. The footnote enlarged the issue even further.
Asking her to edit her writing with the purpose of protecting my privacy equated to censorship in Jane’s mind and only inflamed her more. After this experience, I learned to stop trying to change what others write about me, even if I disagree with them or if it embarrasses me.
For example, last week I made a stupid comment about not thinking I should have to change a diaper. As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew they were fodder for Jane’s blog, and that I could not take them back, no matter how hard I tried. I could have reacted with a long comment below her post, explaining the circumstances of the situation, the emotionally driven build-up, my side of the story, but instead I did nothing. I’ve learned that going as silent as a lamb to the slaughter is the best way to handle these situations.
Corporate bloggers, listen up. When you embrace transparency and write with an honest voice, at times people will take jabs at you. They will quote you — sometimes out of context. They may portray you in ways that make you cringe. Don’t go ballistic. Allow people to have the views they do, without letting your stomach twist into knots. It all passes like water under a bridge anyway.
Sometimes my in-laws take pity on me and say, in reference to Jane’s latest post, “Poor Tom …” They feel sorry that I often catch the sharp end of the narrative. But I don’t feel sorry. I feel lucky. How many husbands out there get a glimpse inside the inner thoughts and emotions of their companion? Our communication has increased ten-fold because of Jane’s mommy blog.
I also think blogging is a smart move for full-time mothers. Blogs provide an escape from the emotional stresses of full-time parenting. They allow mothers to express themselves in articulate ways, to interact with other adults, to use their intellectual faculties. In a way, blogs are a coping mechanism for what might otherwise be a limiting home life.
One detail I appreciate with Jane’s blog is her use of pseudonyms. The pseudonym adds a slight fictional construct between what I read and the real me. On her blog I read about Dick and Jane and Sally and Susan and Spot. I remember that her perspective may not always match reality — protagonist Dick or heroine Jane are mental representations of people and events seen from Jane’s point of view.
I’ve mostly been exploring the negative side of privacy. Actually, most of Jane’s posts put me in a positive light. I assume this is why she stays married to me. To think that I occupy such a prominent position in her life that I would appear regularly in her posts is flattering to me. It makes me feel important. Whether I’m the hero or the villain in her posts, or even just a quiet bystander, the fact that I’m present (or that Dick is present) has the same good effect on me.
Overall, if your wife ever turns to mommy blogging, or if your husband becomes a “daddy blogger” (I assume there’s such a thing), embrace transparency, enjoy the glimpse into your spouse’s world. Whatever you do, never suggest an edit that changes her perception. Remember that you’re one of the lucky ones.
Tags: corporate blogs, jane, mommy blogs, transparency, whataboutmom
1. Just curious…do you find yourself pressurized to be on your best behavior always – because your bad behavior might get documented for the whole world to see?
2. I thought the pseudonyms were to protect your real identities – especially the girls’.
You already are a daddy blogger.
You know, Dick, many women take offense at the term “Mommy Blogger,” but you’re lucky (again) that I don’t. I probably would if I’d started blogging before I was a mom, or if being a mom didn’t loom so large in my consciousness. But I didn’t and it does. So, I’m a mommy blogger.
I’m glad you like that we blog and that you’re mostly flattered. One thing, though — do you honestly think our communication has increased ten-fold because of it? (I’m hoping that was a little bit of artistic-exaggerating license).
Janes last blog post..Voting Makes Me Hungry ***Updated
How funny. I read both of your blogs and didn’t realize you were connected. (waves at Jane)
Sues last blog post..Crocodile Tears
[...] with my husband. Dick writes at IdRatherBeWriting.com, and today he’s got a post up about how living with a mommy blogger is great training for a corporate blogger. He totally misrepresents me in places, but I’m reminded that I fell in love with his [...]
i rarely write about my husband because if i say anything other than “my husband is the greatest husband in the whole wide world” he gets upset. sometimes i wish i’d made my blog entirely anonymous so i could be entirely honest.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Love the Stuff You’re With
Good for you, Tom. Very mature understanding. I think my husband has come to the same conclusions as you. He’s VERY private and yet he allows me to write about him and very person things about myself without complaining. He knows how strongly I feel about not caring what people think of us. It was the topic of my very first blog post, laying out the guidelines that determine what I write about. This post explores privacy and discretion and it may not apply to companies so much but… maybe it does. Virtual transparency and all that. http://www.becomingsomething.com/2008/07/examining-discr.html
Natashas last blog post..Last minute effort to sway voters: Why Mormons should vote Obama.
It’s funny Tom – I found Jane’s blog because of you! I’m in tech comm, and a mum, so I feel your blogs together are my life (except completely different, because you are different people in a different country), if you know what I mean?
What drew me to Jane’s blog in the first instance was your description of your “cool blogger wife”. I thought “how cool is this man who describes his wife like that?”. So, thank you for your cool tech comm blog and thank you for helping me find Jane’s blog, which I now enjoy reading so much!
tom, this is for you.
http://www.mytopclip.com/play.php?vid=7047
@ Ayesha, do I feel pressured to be on my best behavior? Not really. I act pretty normal. I can’t think of one thing I would do differently knowing that Jane is figuratively wearing an “I’m blogging this” shirt. However, it does cross my mind occasionally, particularly if I’m doing something dumb.
Re pseudonyms to protect real identities, yes, this was the original intent. We didn’t want to corner our girls into an online identity they didn’t themselves create.
@ Jane, did our communication increase ten-fold? As we discussed offline yesterday, you’re right, it’s an exaggeration. But come to think of it, we tend to talk a lot more about blogging than we ever used to. So it has given rise to an entirely new dimension to our conversations.
@ Sue I’m flattered that you follow both our blogs. Jane has been telling me about your blog for a while and I keep meaning to subscribe (I just now did). Thanks for commenting and following us.
@ Memarie, I think it will take time for your husband to get used to being a presence in your posts. Some people are more open to transparency than others. Also, thanks for the video clip — I enjoyed it.
@ Natasha, thanks for the comment. Considering your husband’s position as a crown-high prosecutor, I’m honored that we share a similar viewpoint.
@ Kirsty, it’s really interesting to hear you say, “I feel your blogs together are my life (except completely different …).” I hadn’t imagined that our blogs were complementary in that way, but I can see how they totally are.
I recently found Jane’s blog and I’m hooked. I can’t even wait until I get the post in my email to read it. It’s fun to get to hear your voice too. My husband doesn’t even read my blog I don’t think. So I guess what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him!
Sharlas last blog post..Book Giveaway winner!
The pseudonyms are a great idea to protect your real identities. I think I am going to employ it myself! In fact, I am employing it right away
All credit for the idea to Jane, of course! 
My husband is terrified of the big bad world of the Internet. He knows I blog, but I never sent him the blog address – fearing he might blow his top/not care one way or the other. Anyway, he stumbled upon it by accident one day while using my computer, and found it amusing that I blog
He is still quite scared and has a strict ‘no pictures’ policy. So I can’t put up pictures on my blog – even though I’d love to post some pictures of my kids.
And I purposefully avoid talking about him in my blogs. So it is a sterile blog in many ways
I guess your freedom to write and put up pictures also depends on where you live, how secure you feel, etc. Where I live, there have been instances of Internet crime – people copying pictures and misusing them, causing a lot of trouble to the writers/posters – especially women. Imagine your own picture on another website – stuck on to someone else’s underclothed body seamlessly (hail photoshop!). So pseudo is the way to go I suppose
Having said that, I really admire your posts (yours and Jane’s) for the free-flowing honesty that I get to glimpse in them
Keep ‘em coming!
I guess I’m a mommy blogger, but I’m not a mommy! Thought provoking post, but there has to be a different term that can apply to childless women bloggers too!
The concept behind my blog is the same though – a little slice of life.
I just came to your blog through Mother in Israel’s blog. I haven’t read Jane’s yet. I just have to say that SHE is also lucky. I have been blogging for two years and my husband has never read my blog or expressed any interest in it, except to occasionally complain that I spend too much time on the computer. I think it would be really cool if he did, but then again, he would see all the ranting I’ve done about him and probably be hurt – not so big on the transparency thing. So, I guess I’ll count my blessings, and leave it at You’re pretty cool to give Jane props for her blog. Now I will go check out Jane’s blog.
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this is the first time i heard about mommy blogger. this will be very helpful to all the mom’s and soon to be mom’s or to all women who want to express their thoughts and emotions. This will also be a good idea in having corporate trainings. Speaking of training, just want to share with a link that i recently found it’s eleapsoftware , they also have online training. You might also be interested. Anyway, i had fun reading your blog.
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Loved this! I stopped by from Jane’s blog. My husband says silly stuff all the time, and I tease him that I’ll be blogging about his words later. I don’t. Usually.
Amanda, thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog. At first, if Jane blogged about me in a negative light, I didn’t like it. Now I’m just happy if I factor into her posts from time to time. I understand that one person’s perspective doesn’t always represent reality. Fortunately, she usually is generous in the way she describes things.